RESURRECT DEAD ON PLANET JUPiTER

Out of Gas

While refineries switch to a more “environmentally friendly” ethanol based gasoline additive, the eastern United States will experience sporadic fuel shortages. Barring another devastating natural disaster, the dearth of precious fuel should only last for a couple of weeks.

Apparently the shortages have hit Philly – with gas stations across town selling nothing more than apocalyptic visions of a fuel-less hellscape (or super-expensive high octane fuel). But don’t fear, the lack of gass will be short-lived and with ethanol additives, it’s ostensibly good news for industrial corn farming. In other words, the true apocalypse is still just a faint glimmer at the rapidly approaching horizon. That’s all for now.