RESURRECT DEAD ON PLANET JUPiTER

Penn

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. An economist walks into a room where his wife is wrapping Christmas presents and bludgeons her to death. Wait… that’s not very funny. OK, how about this one. A Wharton Professor is caught masturbating to videos of himself having sex with underage boys in his Ivy League office… No… no… no, that’s terrible, awful. Library office? No! Umh… ok. A Penn Neurosurgeon sexually assaults one of his stude… Jesus Fucking Christ.

So The University of Penn has been having some trouble with its professors, what with the student rape, child porn and wife killing. And they say once you get tenure you can get away with anything.

But seriously, where does it end? An Engineering professor doing a drive-by in the quad? A meth crazed Penn Vet having his way with a physically compromised Barbaro?

I actually worked at and went to that esteemed University over a grueling span of 6 years. I used to hear the students warning one another not to “go past 42nd street.” While this never bothered me (mainly because it meant I didn’t have to deal with them that much past the 42nd street “danger zone”) I’m thinking that maybe they should start watching their backs in those creepy old buildings in the ever expanding Penn Empire.