[dovate.com] » Time as seen by a human
Time as seen by a human
* Warning: self-reflective bloggy post.
Three years ago today was 7 days before the life I’m ending first began. I opened an old journal and turned back to three years ago today. Stuck between the pages was a 4-leaf clover and a bunch of words about leaving Rittenhouse Square.
“Well it’s been 10 years and I can finally say it,” I wrote. “Fuck Rittenhouse Square… I’ve been looking for something down this path for the last 10 years, I’ve filled these books with writing, I’ve met girls I’ve loved, girls I’ve lusted after, girls I never liked. I’ve drawn on the ground at 4 in the morning, listened to music, met friends, gotten drunk, high and watched 40 seasons come and go all from this bench.”
I went on to describe how I was sick of waiting. A month later I wrote, “I’ve felt sedate for a while now. My mind is keeping its inspiration to itself.”
A month after that I wrote, “I like to pay attention to my senses. Remain alert. I also enjoy dulling my senses. Numbing them. Numb hunger with food. Numb a day by relaxing on my porch with a beer. Numb desires with satiation. Eyes with sleep. Mind with dreams. Chaos with silence.
But tonight I have indigestion and a chill.”
A month later I wrote, “ Yesterday I touched the Atlantic Ocean, the sun setting behind me, turning the sea into a plain of silver.”
And finally, a month after that, on August 17, 2004 I wrote, “Why is the dude in the cowboy hat over there videotaping me?”
That’s all for now.
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