RESURRECT DEAD ON PLANET JUPiTER

choose your battles

I’ve moved and mainly readjusted which means that I can go back to wasting time writing worthless content for this site that I find it necessary to maintain. With these glowing words of endorsement, here’s today’s thing:

Until a few days ago, I lived at 10th and Spruce. At 939 Spruce street was some lady named Bonnie who worked for Glaxo Smith Kline. I never met her, but I knew she lived there. Why? Because every Sunday morning, a small group of animal rights protestors would show up at her door with bullhorns and big pictures of mutilated monkeys and shout at her window for 45 minutes.

Without getting into a discussion about the case for or against animal rights, I hated those goddamn kids. If self-righteousness could ejaculate, they were its product. They made me and most everyone they touched, more , not less likely to support GSK and it’s well-paid team of highly trained animal killers. Since their method of protest (going to people’s houses and shouting threatening slogans) was banned, the group has turned its attentions to stores and restaurants that traffic in foie gras.

Today I saw them outside DiBruno Brothers at 18th and Chestnut shouting some crap. I know it’s not my place to pick causes for others, but foie gras? Have they picked up a newspaper recently? Foie fucking gras?

Another thing I’d like to know is have any of these protestors ever interacted with a goose? I love birds, but geese are natural assholes. They’re aggressive, they bite, they attack unprovoked. In a way, I guess that makes them a little like us humans. The big exception is that they’re geese. I guess I feel sorry for these geese and their delicious fatty livers, but I just wish those kids would shut the hell up about them.

And that’s the only conclusion I have.