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public school stories
I had a supposed Art History teacher who constantly repeated the phrase “esoteric knowledge, be careful how you use it.” He told us that Spartan women didn’t shave their legs, so that they’d look more like men in battle. He also called all the girls in my class who wore dark clothes or torn jeans satan worshipping witches with an evil lesbian agenda. When he died, no one found him for a week. Eventually the school wondered why he hadn’t shown up or called out. Someone made a call. They found him in his apartment.
My 6th grade science teacher incubated chicken eggs in our classroom. We watched them hatch and saw them grow. One day we found all our chicks floating in a jar of formaldehyde. In the same class, we had a goldfish. When it died of natural causes, the teacher prepared a handout titled “the day our fish died.” He cried in front of the class. Someone put tacks on his chair and he was on leave for a month.
In 2nd or 3rd grade I had a bus driver who used to threaten the kids, drink beer and drive with the door open. Some of the kids complained to their parents. When confronted, he accused of conspiring against him and wouldn’t let us off the bus. He was transferred to another route.
In 6th grade all the kids who had done well on an IQ test were bussed to a school for physically and mentally handicapped children. Our classroom had an observation chamber behind a 2-way mirror. It also had a padded closet. We watched dystopian movies like 1984, Farenhight 451, Animal Farm and videos about the Holocaust. In the hallways deformed children cried and screamed. I still wonder what in the hell was going on with all that.
Also in 6th grade I had an English teacher with an unusual teaching method. On Monday morning she’d write our assignments for the week on the blackboard. Then she’d go to the back of the room and watch talk shows on a small black and white TV until Friday. She also ate a lot of hoagies. One time my friend was playing tag during class when he knocked the UHF dial off her television. She demanded that he pay for the repair.
This is a selection of lowlights from 3 of the best public schools in the city. On average it wasn’t this bad. I don’t mean this to be a reflection of the Philly public school system as a whole, I just wanted it to be entertaining.
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