RESURRECT DEAD ON PLANET JUPiTER

Unfortunately, I’m home.

On my way home I realized that of my colleagues, I’m the 4th person in the last 12 months who’s vacationed on the side of a remote mountain. The mountain I visited is called Devil’s Den and I spent 1 night there. There was a small farm, some animals, an old house, some amazing food and good people. All in all, my total of 8 days in Maine were great.

Lets start with the negative and work towards the positive. The singular low-point was getting pulled over for doing 72 in a 55 zone. I thought it was ok at first. It was an experience, sort of like going to a concert or a nice restaurant. I sit there, get the ticket, pay the $50-65 and have an interesting memory and a story to tell. That was until I saw $185 written across the top of it. Whatever experience this was, it was not worth $185.

My heart sank. Without really thinking, I tore the ticket up and threw it at the highway patrolman. When he asked me to step out of the car I did so without incident. Turning slowly towards him, I gave him the finger and spit in his face. There was a struggle and then a gunshot. The bullet grazed my shoulder, but the damage was incidental.

After that it was all really a blur. I managed to throw a handful of gravel in the officer’s eyes and escape – shirtless – into the woods. They sent in bloodhounds, but I used my skills in animal mind control to benevolently subdue the dogs. I survived for 3 days on insects, tree bark and the raw meat of a rabbit that I trapped with dental floss and a pocketknife. I have no idea how I got out of there. But I’m home now. If anyone asks, don’t mention any of this.

Highlights were pretty much everything else. The trip was split pretty evenly between visiting a friend in the great little city of Portland, Maine and spending time mainly alone to write, photograph and explore the coast. I loved every second of it. I also thought of 3 new potential career paths:

1. Wildlife biologist living on a remote island with other like-minded weirdoes studying the social habits and the feces of Puffins, Murres and Arctic Terns.
2. Entrepreneur, also in Maine, probably in Bar Harbor. I don’t know exactly what the business would be, but I thought of the perfect name for it: Maine-ly Crap.
3. Drifter. I’ve always wanted to be a drifter. I’d be a creative one, writing and photographing my drifting. I just wish I could figure out how this would pay for gas and fancy food.

But until then, I’m going to have to stick to my memories and the 1200+ photos I took in the last week. In related news, watch for a lot of Maine photos on the front page of this website. That’s all for now.