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NFL announcers ‘gay’ for Brett Favre

Yesterday’s Eagles/Packers game was a horrible pile of shit and I’m glad I missed the second half because of previous commitments. But I’m not here to talk about the game, I’m here to talk about an often-overlooked facet of football culture: the NFL’s clear and overt feelings of sexual longing towards Packers quarterback Brett Favre.

While NFL announcers tend to eroticize players and especially quarterbacks, Favre is in a class by himself. For years I’ve shifted uncomfortably in my seat while announcers like John Madden and Troy Aikman talk with yearning and desire about his “big strong legs” and “classic, gritty face.” Yesterday as the camera cut into a tight shot of Favre staring vapidly out from behind 25 years of repeated head trauma, one commentator stopped to note: “There are those eyes I was talking about.”

Watching a Packers game is like seeing a group of frat boys at a strip club… or maybe more accurately it’s like watching a Republican Senator in an airport bathroom. Now of course there’s nothing wrong with a gay football announcer, in fact I strongly encourage Aikman to come out of the closet. I just feel that sexual desire of any sort has no place in the commentators box. It skews opinion.

When it comes to Brett, NFL commentators see him through rose-colored glasses rubbed with Favre’s ball sweat. He’s been a terrible, terrible quarterback for years. Favre throws more stupid interceptions at more crucial times, in more games than any starting quarterback I’ve ever seen. He also continues to throw them during non-crucial times or in other words, once the Packers have fallen desperately behind. He’s terrible and he should have retired years ago.

It’s the announcers and those like them who through their constant on-air blowjobs have convinced the washed-up Superbowl MVP turned punch-drunk loser Favre, that he can still actually play in the NFL.

Here’s to a better game and that’s all for now.