RESURRECT DEAD ON PLANET JUPiTER

Recent Fads

In the mid 20’s Pole-Sitting swept the nation. Much as the name suggests, Pole-Sitting was the popular pastime of sitting on top of a pole for extended periods of time. What I’m saying is, fads come and go.

The start of 2008 has seen the emergence of 2 such crazes. I’m of course talking about Neti Pots and ball waxing.

Before I go on about these things I have to say in no uncertain terms:

1. The Neti Pot is a good idea. I’ve considered using one for years, but have never actually gotten one. I – like many Americans – suffer from sinus problems. Each morning I use a sterol saline spray and recommend that you do the same. Although I don’t use a Neti Pot, I hold no ill will towards anyone who does.

2. Ball shaving/waxing is wrong. Just wrong.

But anyway, what do these fads say about us collectively?

Neti Pots have that air of nonwestern medicine to them. Why spray a physically addictive chemical steroid into your head when an ancient little pot from some place full of aged and wise nonwhites does a better, cheaper and healthier job? Sounds like a good idea, no? It does… but not $25 Neti Pot from Whole Foods good. How can you not feel like an asshole buying that?

Ball Shaving: At my office Christmas party a non-colleague who happened to be hanging out in the same bar tried to pick up my co-worker. Along with his refusal to share his name and his casual acknowledgment of the girlfriend he was trying to cheat on, part of his game was slipping in how he shaves his balls to make his penis look bigger. It’s a line few men can pull off and smooth sack went home alone that night.

Since I was caught in the crossfire of his unique pick-up attempt, I pressed him a little on the ball shaving. Apparently it’s quite popular among the 20-something condo set. Who knew?

Since that night, I haven’t gone 3 days without hearing about ball waxing in the popular media. After a little research I discovered that (as I suspected) the whole fucking thing started in LA. The ungodly nexus of porn culture, mass media and David Beckham’s waxed nutsack just couldn’t be stopped. Now engineers down at Comcast and “accountants, stockbrokers, teachers, boxers, models” in London are getting “Boyzillians.”

I kind of miss Pole-Sitting.