RESURRECT DEAD ON PLANET JUPiTER

So here’s a list of new Toynbee tiles that I noticed this weekend:

36th and Walnut
37th and Walnut

38th and Chestnut
36th and Chestnut
33rd and Chestnut

33rd and Market
32nd and Market
31st and Market

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6th and South, (3 tiles)

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Also, Justin spotted a tile at 5th and Girard. I haven’t been up that way in the last few weeks, but I’m guessing there are more along Girard Ave.

One of my favorite things on all of the internet is google trends. For example, this Phillyblog/Philadelphia Will Do post(s) shows that the largest regional share of searches for the word “penis” originate in Delhi, India and Philadelphia. But why stop there?

While the city is tops in “murder” and “crackhead,” Baltimore edges us out in “homicide.” (and “The Wire”) For some reason Hanoi and Singapore take the number 1 and 2 spots in “I hate myself” but Philly rounds out the top 3.

But let’s dig a little deeper. This graph shows search trends for Obama, Clinton and McCain. It looks like McCain has enjoyed a recent surge. Combined with Hillary’s post-losing freefall, he now generates as many search hits as her. What a maverick!

With that said, all 3 candidates are easily dwarfed by an ever-growing interest in “porn.”

Also curious is the springtime surge in porn searches. The trend is 4 years old:

But why? Do humans have a latent instinct to mate in early spring? Looking at Southern Hemisphere results (Australia) my theory appears to hold up. The porn spike down under is in December:

So there you have it. A few minutes with google trends and I was able to perform a highly flawed, and completely unscientific sociological experiment. What a world. That’s all for now.

About a year ago, several large, colorful street tiles appeared in Buffalo, NY. By winter the “House of Hades” tiles had been completely destroyed by snowplows. But their creators have been tenacious. Earlier this year, a new batch appeared in Buffalo. Now, a HHH tile has popped up at 9th Ave and 56th street in New York’s Hell’s Kitchen. Stylistically, aesthetically, artistically and creatively these are my favorite of the “copycat” tiles:

Also, last Friday’s post listed 12 new Toynbee tiles here in Philly. Since Friday I’ve seen additional new tiles at:

5th and Walnut
5th and Market
6th and Market (2 of them, 1 already badly damaged, the other nearly destroyed)

Also, Justin reported a tile at 34th and Walnut and I’m sure there are more.

I’ve been slacking on Toynbee tile updates. A few weeks back, the first of the 08’ tiles appeared on center city streets. I’m slacking because after 2007’s re-introduction of original style tiles, these new ones just aren’t that exciting. With 1 minor exception, all are long, thin, 2-line tiles like this one:

* Photo credit: stardotjpg from the Tile message board.

To help make this uninspired batch more interesting, let’s try to trace in what order they were placed. We can also glean some interesting information from their placement.

All the new tiles were glued in crosswalks. Most are out near the center of the street. All the tiles were placed from a car. How do I know this?

All tiles appear on the side of an intersection where a car would stop for a light or sign. If you’re looking for tiles, this is a good place to start. If a road goes north, look on the crosswalk on the southern side. If it goes east, look on the western corner. All large tiles follow this pattern. Small, “index card” tiles placed between 2002 and 2007 don’t necessarily stick to this. Judging by placement, I’d say that the tiler has been using a car with increasing frequency in the last couple of years.

In contrast, a ton of new Robot Men appeared in the last couple weeks. None of these follow the glued by car pattern. They appear in any crosswalk or even in the middle of the block. They’re clearly put down by someone on foot.

Other, large new Toynbee tiles along City Ave. and Roosevelt Boulevard also suggest the use of a car. I don’t post about these tiles out of prejudice. For whatever reason the Greater Northeast and near suburbs have a hard time clicking in my mindspace.

But getting back to the new downtown Toynbee tiles, here’s how it went down:

1. The first tile was glued at Broad and JFK, where it merges westbound at City Hall. This is a large, 4-line index card style tile.

2. The tiler then continued south on Broad to Lombard, where he made a right. At 18th he made another right, dropping his 2nd tile at 18th and Spruce.

3. Continuing on 18th he dropped the third tile at 18th and Rittenhouse.

4. Finishing off his assault on the Square, the 4th went down at 18th and Walnut.

5. At Sansom, he made a left, dropping the 5th tile on Sansom at 20th.

6. He made a right at 20th and Sansom and dropped his next tile at 20th and Chestnut.

7. Going north on 20th to somewhere just past Vine, he cut back towards the city. After stopping off at Whole Foods, he made a right at 19th, dropping his next tile at Vine Street.

8. The next went down just a block away at 19th and the Parkway (north side)

9. Next was 19th and Arch.

10. 19th and JFK

11. 19th and Chestnut, then a left on Chestnut.

12. The last of the batch was dropped on Chestnut street at 17th Street.

Alternately, it’s possible that he didn’t turn at 18th and Sansom, instead traveling up 18th street past Vine, laying the 19th street tiles, making his Sansom Street turn at 19th, and rounding out the last 3 with numbers 5,6 and 12 in the list above.

Another theory states that I’ve completely lost it and should stop thinking about this for a while.

Facebook uses CAPTCHA’s (Completely Automated Public Turing Test’s) to protect against spam. I’m sure you’ve seen them. They’re those squiggly font things that pop up when you log onto your blogger profile, or into your favorite porn site.

Unlike most Turing Tests, Facebook’s reCAPTCHA technology generates real words. Because very occasionally these words can be mildly entertaining, I’ve never bothered verifying my account to make them go away. Yes, my life can be dull. Also, if you’re really lucky, a pair of offensive words sprouts up. Take this famous example:

So before that nice lady could be added as a friend by some random guy she went to high school with, he had to type in the phrase “rape now.”

But anyway, today - while adding an old co-worker to my friend list - I generated my own random mix of words. While my example is light on sexual violence, it more than makes up for it in old fashioned racism.

That’s all for now.

If you’ve lived in Philadelphia long enough, you’ve probably witnessed the strange sight of cowboys trotting coolly and deliberately up a blighted North Philly Street. Or maybe not. But they do exist and it is a strange thing to see. As with just about everything in Philadelphia, there’s even a mural dedicated to them:

There used to be an elderly cowboy who would ride up 22nd street from regions south, all the way to the stables in Strawberry Mansion. I used to see him all the time, but haven’t spotted him in years. All in all, I’m glad that these random horsemen are around. It breaks up the monotony of the normal cityscape. There’s also something about a 75 year old man in a black cowboy hat, chaps and spurs riding a horse through the intersection of 22nd and Market that’s just great.

All this is just an explanation into this google streetview scene at 17th and Cambria. Philadelphia, you’re one weird city:

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Since I’ve got nothing to say today, I’m digging through the archives of my phony product reviews. In days past, I had a bad habit of writing fake product reviews for odd items I found on epinions.com. Here’s one I wrote for something called the “Rectal Fever Thermometer.”

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I am constantly probing my anus for any signs of rectal fever. Rectal fever is most easily distinguished by an abnormally hot rectum. There is only one truly accurate way to diagnose rectal fever and that is with products like the Rectal Fever Thermometer. Sometimes people will walk up to you, grab the fatty tissue of your left buttock and exclaim:

“Feels like you’ve got a case of rectal fever.”

This method of diagnosis is highly inaccurate. The feel method may distinguish a hot ass from a normal one, but full-blown rectal fever is a condition entirely different. The feel method is wholly unscientific for a number of reasons.

First of all, unless you’re butt naked or you are Prince, the feel method is obstructed by the layers of clothing covering the ass. In my case the feel method is usually impeded by the presence of tight stone washed jeans or Lycra booty shorts. Even with full-blown rectal fever, you can’t feel the heat through denim. Sometimes also, my pants conduct their own heat thus promoting mixed results. Secondly, the feel diagnosis of rectal fever can be skewed by bias of the feeler. Remember personal bias can lead to misdiagnosis of rectal fever. I thought one girl that I know had rectal fever for years, although later I found that I was just hot for her. Her rectum was warm, even hot, but not feverish. My bias led to misdiagnosis.

To diagnose true rectal fever, you’ve gotta get in there with some technology. The Greeks often diagnosed rectal fever in their young servants with the single finger method. If you’ve ever seen the movie Caligula, you know that techniques varied between the Greeks and the Romans. These days our instruments are far more accurate.

The Rectal Fever Thermometer is the cutting edge of rectal fever probes. Soft, gentle and easy to assemble, the Rectal Fever Thermometer is a must buy. At less than 5 dollars, you’d be cheating yourself if you didn’t purchase this product and stick it deep into your anus. Everyone should know if they’ve got the rectal fever. The readout is quick and accurate. You’ll know in minutes just how hot your rectum truly is.

This is also the thermometer advertised as the one that doctors use most. I know my doctor diagnosed his own case of rectal fever with this very thermometer. I was there the night he did it. But that’s a separate story.

I am proud to say that I’ve got the fever. In fact, I’ve got a wicked fierce case of it. Sometimes it is a burden, but usually the benefits outweigh the detriments. My doctor tells me it will go away by the time I’m 40, so for now I’m living it up. Buy this thermometer and see if you’ve got the fever too.

Give it about 48 seconds. It will all make sense after that.

http://view.break.com/511141 - Watch more free videos

Last week, a check for $600 arrived in my mailbox. I immediately went out and used it as the down payment on a $450,000 house out in some new development off of Route 30, halfway to Lancaster. The interest rate is great until 2010!

But seriously, I had planned on doing something subversive with my economic stimulus check, like putting it into a savings account or spending it on a Mexican vacation. But then I saw it there on my coffee table and I got to thinking. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could take a photo of it? Minutes later, I spent 80% of it on impulse. God Bless America!

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Until they can do this, all of Philly’s graffiti, murals, stickers, posters and robot man tiles are shit. As a side note, Toynbee tiles are still cool. Via Geekadelphia.

The Philadelphia International Championship Bike Race is this Sunday. Brave the heat and go see the bikers bike by.

There aren’t many places in this city where I can go to escape, but those places do exist. Last Sunday I needed such a place. Since this spot is so fucking cool, I’ve posted about it before. Since it’s a secret, I’m not giving directions. What I will tell you is this.

Through the city’s northwestern neighborhoods runs the Wissahickon Creek. The creek snakes through the valley that divides Roxborough and Manayunk from Germantown, Mt. Airy and Chestnut Hill. Somewhere in this valley is a small tributary stream. Somewhere along that unnamed creek, obscured from all paths and invisible from every trail is the spot. It’s where I go to think and write. It’s where I spread the ashes of my dead cat. It’s where I’ve done things that are too personal to write here. I like the place.

A few years ago, 2 friends of mine started building a series of terraces on a natural ascension in the land next to the small creek. They’ve worked seriously and carefully since then, expanding the original terrace to several more, adding staircases, planting ferns and damming the creek. I can’t say much more that can’t be better described in this series of photos. Enjoy:

A photo from the creek in front of the spot.

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Approaching

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And here it is

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The western wall

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4th and 5th level terraces

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4th level terrace. Look at the detail in the stone work. It fits together like a puzzle.

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Puzzle pieces on the western staircase

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Ground level

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A chair built into one of the walls caught the sunlight, so I sat in it.

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The view from the chair. This is a good place to sit, think and relax.

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The End

Yes, it’s that time of the month! May produced an interesting and varied crop of search hits here at dovate.com. As always, I’ve gone through the search strings that led people to this site and posted my favorites for public consumption:

25. fotos d anorexia
24. jumpshot drug
23. kangaroo mating movie
22. bird repellant window reflection
21. condom catheter one way valve
20. dead jewish kids
19. inventions
18. www a lot of nacid girls.com
17. necronomicon spirit board
16. whats drug is in didrex and adipex
15. first time blowjob
14. existential hippies
13. believe it or not george isn’t at home
12. please dont commit suicide
11. how to keep my neighbors aggressive dogs off my lawn with ropel?
10. wierd pussy birthing
9. what are some pictures of what are city will look like in the future
8. inbred mountain men
7. netti pot disadvantages
6. snorting ropel
5. mr.big biggest
4. john madden old fork and spoon
3. my darling i’m hunger for your touch
2. brown foods racial
1. mastrubating for islam

Occasionally, my place of employment attracts minor celebrities and future Kings of England. Last week, it was minor celebrities. Apparently Jane Seymour, (better known as Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman) is a big fan of public art. Who knew?

Here’s a quick, crappy shot I took with the incredibly annoying Canon XT that we have in the office.

Far more excitingly, here’s a photo (taken by Paul Loftland) of Mayor Nutter with Baltimore City State Senator Clay Davis. Both were at our annual fundraiser. While Wikipedia calls Senator Davis a “fictional character” and refers to him as actor “Isiah Whitlock, Jr.” fans of The Wire and citizens of any corrupt American City beg to differ. I mean, there he is with the Mayor. And Nutter is real, right? Think of Senator Davis as the Vince Fumo of West Baltimore.